Yep - I've got that, Boss. However, we currently have what is known in the trade as 'a situation' with a low value, 300kg Cheese Order. The situation is this:-
The Farmers signed a contract with a restaurant. The restaurant have menus with very strict cheese requirements. The Famers agreed to supply that cheese, by a certain date, without bothering to ask me or the Cheese Suppliers first. When the contract had been signed, the Farmers filled in a Cheese Requirements requisition and sent it through to me, to lodge with the Suppliers.
When the order was examined, the Suppliers who own the cows noticed that the requirement is for cheese made with soya milk. The Suppliers who wrap the cheese noticed that this cheese must be shrink wrapped. Neither are in the standard catalogue of cheese supplies that the Farmers' are supposed to order from.
After much argument, the Suppliers who wrap the cheese decided they didn't want to go to the expense of buying a shrink wrapping machine and declined to offer. The Suppliers who own the cows said that they could offer, but as the cheese is non-standard there would be a longer lead time to supply it. They also agreed to shrink wrap the cheese (but were, of course, not allowed to offer this until the Suppliers who wrap the cheese declined).
In the meantime the Farmers have promised the restaurant that they will have their cheese in time for the Christmas menu.
Small Cheese order? Over to you, Rare Beast. According to our roles and responsibilities I do not get involved.
Until of course, it all starts to go wrong.
The Suppliers who own the cows submit their Cheese Proposal. When the Farmers see the cost, and the lead times, it slowly dawns on them that they are in trouble. Rather than keeping close to the Suppliers throughout the process, and managing the altogether unreasonable expectations of the restaurant, the Farmers in charge of ordering have let the cheese tasters have all of the conversations with both the restaurant and the man from the Cheese Suppliers (still with me? try to keep up).
The cheese tasters and the restaurant are only really interested in how the cheese tastes - it doesn't occur to them to talk timelines and other requirements (like the shrink wrapping).
So - this is what happens:-
The head Farmer writes a letter of complaint. Not to me, his contact in Cheese Governance, not to The Rare Beast, his official contact, and not even to my boss, Edie, but to my boss's boss, Dog Dog.
Instead of replying, Dog Dog passes the complaint to Edie, who passes the complaint, you've guessed it, to me.
'Write me a reply, Mouse. I want to know what those Cheese Suppliers are going to do about it.'
'But Boss, this is a low value order - shouldn't The Rare Beast...?
'I'm looking at YOU, Mouse.'
Okay.
So I look into it and I discover the facts. We have a conference with the Farmers and the restaurant owners. The Rare Beast gets very grumpy indeed on this call and I have to resort to sending him an instant message - 'Calm down, Rare Beast. We are right to tell off the Farmers for their bad planning, but not in front of their customer.'
I have a long and heated discussion with the Farmers and their cheese tasters - who feel that the Supplier who owns the Cows should have talked to the restaurant directly - 'No Farmers, the restaurant owners are YOUR customers. It is up to YOU to make sure that their requirements are accurately passed through.'
So I pass this information back to Edie. The order was non-standard. The requirements changed half way through because the Supplier who wraps the cheese declined to offer. Questions submitted to the Farmers by the Suppliers who own the cows have not been answered. On that basis, I ask, how can I tell the Farmers when they will have their cheese? They haven't even ordered it yet.
'MOUSE!' says Edie. 'I asked you to tell me when they can have it and you have not done that.'
I consider telling Edie that she is bad as the Farmers, in shouting at me because I convey something that she does not want to hear.
In the meantime you know what I do? I pass it to The Rare Beast. I'm going to follow process and he can have it. Good Luck sorting that lot out, Rare Beast.
But I am sure that he can do it. Do you know why? He is travelling to meet the Farmers next week. As you know, I can't travel due to costs. I offered to support him on a meeting he is having with a particularly tricky lady Farmer and do you know what he said?
He said 'I don't need you to support me, Mouse. I'm sure she will respond better to me. Because I'm a guy.'
He really did. And he really said 'guy.'
This makes me chuckle. And don't get me wrong, I'm not cross with Edie - she's a sweetheart - just an under pressure sweetheart.
I am sure it will all blow over and will soon be overtaken by the next crisis, but in the meantime, be careful where you book your Christmas meal - they could be out of Cheese.
With whiskery hugs,
Mouse xx
