Some mice seem to like having long, elegant claws and they even go to the extent of painting them or decorating them with little jewels, or even, would you believe, clipping on false claws or sticking them on with the kind of glue that must play havoc with the fur! Can you imagine? I mean in some cases the claws are so long that, well, how can they attend to personal matters? Anyway I shall peruse on that no longer. My claws are neatly clipped and no longer click clack over the keys and snag on my best jumper.
Talking of keys, I've replaced my short lived love for coffee mornings and verbal neighbour bashing for a new hobby. I am learning to play the piano.
I decided to buy a piano several years ago when a good friend and I were discussing the things we would like to do, over several health drinks called 'Vodka and Cranberry'. 'I have always wanted to play the piano.' said I.
'Ooh yes, me too!', said Mr. Mouse. 'Let's have a look at them on Ebay.'
'Ooh look at that one! Shiny!' I gazed at a glossy walnut brown beauty of aged elegance. 'Can you pour me another health drink, Mr. Mouse?'
'Certainly Miss Mouse. Ooh sorry, spilled a bit. There.' He mopped a bit of cranberry health drink off the keyboard with his best handkerchief. 'You should bid for it, Mouse.'
'Ha ha ha! Yes. Well we won't win that. It'll go for a fortune. I'll prove it, look.' I typed in a number.
You have been outbid
I typed in another, bigger number.
You have been outbid
'Oh this is ridiculous. Pass the cranberry health drink, Mr. Mouse. Right. This'll get them.' I typed in a ridiculous number.
Congratulations. You are the High Bidder.
Mr. Mouse and I looked at each other. Oops. Oh well, it's so lovely, someone will outbid us, look, there is only one minute left of the auction. Everyone knows that loads of people lurk around until the end and then bid in the last few seconds.
Congratulations. You have won the auction.
Oh bugger! That wasn't meant to happen.
The next morning over a very strong coffee (those vodka and cranberry health drinks seemed to have sent my head a bit funny) and I had to take out a small mortgage and pay for the piano, and arrange to have it transported from some obscure point at the furthest reaching end of a distant town (it would be there and not down the road, wouldn't it). Well that should be easy enough. A man and a van will do it for a tenner, surely. But no - it seems that transporting a piano is a very tricky thing indeed, because they are sensitive creatures who do not like being disturbed, do not like changes in temperature and are actually quite heavy. We needed a specialist. I 'phoned up the small mortgage company and asked to be transferred to the rather larger mortgage department, and the deed was arranged.
And so many years later, I have the time to play the piano. It has actually been moved a few times since it first came to me, it was borrowed by a family friend who could bash out quite a tune, and then moved back recently and, despite it's claims to delicacy and the fact that I have never had it tuned or maintained, that great old piano still appears to be in tune. I learned all about this on Youtube, you see. Each key is linked to three strings, and each string to a peg. When one of these strings goes out of tune by stretching or warping, the key makes a sound much like my old Mother used to make when she stepped on one of my childhood Stickle Bricks, so you test it by pinging each of the three strings to see if they make the same sound. If they don't, you have to ring the mortgage company again and they send a man round who can turn the peg with a special key until it makes the same noise as it's neighbours. Well mine all sound fine - amazingly. I also tested it against another Youtube video which plays the sounds, and I'm pleased to report that my piano plays a 'C' when you press a 'C' etc. I have no idea how this is possible after the rough treatment and neglect it has received at my paws, but I am not complaining.
I will report more on my lessons very soon. Maybe even before my claws need clipping again, but in the meantime I will leave you with this thought...
...Whatever did we do in the days before Youtube? The internet has a lot to answer for. Especially Ebay.
Musically yours,
Mouse xx
