Sent to Coventry...

Preparing my presentation

Not all of my travel destinations are glamorous.  In fact it could be argued that no matter where the destination, the insides of planes, hotels and offices are much the same.  However in my endeavours to get the Farmers and Mooses ordering the Cheese and Fish in the right way, as per agreed contractual process, it was time for me to meet with the Cheese and Fish Demand people, the cheese and fish Technical Design internal people and the people who put the end to end outsourcing process together, so that we could all understand how it works and help the Farmers and Miss Mooses order their cheese and fish in good time.  So - it was off to rainy, grey Coventry for me.

I read every process document I could get my paws on and typed up all of my notes from meetings with the Miss Mooses and the Farmers.  All I needed to do is map the demand to the process and voila - fresh fish and cheese when required.

In the room with me was Kitty from Finance, Pony from the Process Office, Dog-Dog, the Head of Cheese Design (we left the fish people out of this meeting - too far for Miss Mooses to travel), Rabbit from Cheese Demand and Woodstock, an enthusiastic young graduate from the school of Cheese who is very keen to get everything documented and supplied plenty of strong coffee in an attempt to get us all as enthused about it as he is.  Pony prepared a presentation demonstrating the cheese ordering process.  It goes like this:-

• All farmers cheese requirements are entered into a database as an 'idea'.  These 'ideas' are discussed at Farmers Board and it is agreed which ideas become Cheese Projects.  
• When a Cheese Project is agreed, a small team of rabbits start investigating all costs associated with the Cheese Project.  Dog-Dog and Cheese Design are involved at this point.
• When a cheese design is complete they complete a requirements sheet and give it to me to raise a Cheese Project Request with the Suppliers (remember there are two of these, those who make the cheese and those who package it and supply the culture).
• Then it goes into the Cheese Order process described a couple of blogs ago.
• The Cheese Requirements are eventually turned into a Cheese Proposal which goes back to the Cheese Demand rabbits to discuss with the Farmers.

If you remember, the Farm Shops have usually gone bust due to lack of stock before the Cheese is agreed and ordered, so to me - the answer was simple.  Engage us, and the Cheese Suppliers at the 'idea' stage.  We can contribute cost information which allows the Farmer to have a better idea of how much the cheese will cost.

Except it doesn't work that way.  Of course not.

At the Cheese 'idea' stage the Farmer doesn't have any money - which is fine if he knows exactly how much of what type of cheese he wants, and that it is in both Suppliers stock catalogue in the wrapping and quantities he requires it in.  If it isn't, and it usually isn't, he must wait until Dog-Dog's design team have submitted a cheese design to the Demand Rabbit and she has sent it to me and I have sent it to the Suppliers.  Who will then advise that they should be submitting Cheese Requirements and not Design. The Farmer only has budget allocated when a complete, costed Cheese Design is agreed and this must include the Supplier's proposals.  How can they, therefore, have a fully costed Cheese Design without involving the Suppliers, which costs money, and how can the get any money without having an approved fully costed design.

Catch 22.

Yes we all understand how it works...

Now my Boss, Edie, has told me that she wants Cheese Forecasts for all Farmers, and Fish Forecasts for the Miss Mooses by the end of next week, to give to the Cheese Suppliers (both of them) so that they know how many cows they need, how many maids to milk them, how much culture to bulk buy in advance and what types of wrapping materials.  In the many, many years before the Cheese and Fish Services were outsourced the Farmers didn't know from one month to the next what they needed - so why this should have changed now I don't know.  However, Edie is a hard boss and I must 'make it happen.'  So next week will be full to the brim with many difficult conversations with the Miss Mooses, Rabbit's Demand team, Dog-Dog and her Design team and, indeed, the Farmers themselves.  And they all think that by simply talking to me Cheese and Fish are ordered and the process is bypassed.  The Miss Mooses, of course, continue to smile pleasantly and pretend none of it is happening.

I think I need a Sherry.  And a Crystal Ball. And a magic wand.  If anyone has these items please mail them to Miss Mouse, c/o Edie.

Happy Weekend my Friends,

With love, Cheese and Sherry,

Mouse x

Delegation...

Pah! I was all set to go back to Malmo for another visit but I was hit by THE BUG.  There I was, sneezing, coughing and red eyed and completely incapable of packing a suitcase. So I had to delegate.


Delegation is always a tricky business, especially for a Mouse with Project Manager on her CV.  Those of you in the business will also know that Project Manager can be spelled C-O-N-T-R-O-L F-R-E-A-K.


Bear and Fairy offered to do the honours for me and attend a very important meeting with the Miss Mooses.  A meeting to represent the Mouse Outsourcing processes - see the last post for details of that.  The Miss Mooses, and especially the Mr. Head Moose (or is that Moose Head?) are not particularly fond of the Outsourcing model demonstrated by the Farmer and his Cheese, and they get around this by simply pretending it's not real.  Bear is fairly experienced in the ways of cheese, fish and Mooses, but Fairy is new to the company.  She is idealistic and pure of heart.  I worried for her safety.  


They started the journey with the same merry heart that I used to start my adventures with - not to mention a coffee and a blueberry muffin.  They reviewed the slides that they helped me put together with Bear's boss and they were ready to present to ALL of the Mooses.


The Mooses immediately saw the benefit in having Fairy there.  Mr. Head Moose (or is that...?) threw up his horned head in joy. 'At last I see the benefit of your department!  We are short of a resource here for entering the fish ordering data.  Fairy - you can be the resource. You can help us.'  He crossed his arms and leant back in his chair, a satisfactory smile on his whiskers.  Fairy, being relatively new, was aghast.  She was there to make sure that they order fish properly and to try to get them to give sight of their future fish orders.  Bear nudged Fairy - 'I think you'd better put them straight.' he said.


'I have to leave now - very busy.' said Mr. Head Moose (or... ?).


Another satisfactory meeting then. Fairy can hold her own - she soon put them straight - but by then there was no-one listening.  


So it would seem that if we don't like what is real, all we need do is ignore it?  Why did I never think of this before?  Next time Moose or Farmer gives me a telling off because of the new limited access to cows or fish, I will simply smile and pretend it's not happening.


Fairy also learned another valuable lesson on this trip.  In Sweden, a 'V' next to a menu item in a restaurant, and marked 'Vegetarian' in the key, means that there is a vegetarian OPTION which can be SPECIFICALLY ORDERED.  Oops - sorry, Mooses.


With Tissues and Love,
Mouse x