Mouse's advice for travellers...

Mouse's advice to travellers.

1. Never do a double hop flight when you have a cold - one flight is bad enough - never mind two.

2. Never, ever, fly via Brussells if it can be avoided. Even Schilpol must be better that this!

3. Always look for signs for yourself and do not ask anyone, no matter how official they look, or if they have 'Airport Security' on their uniforms, where you need to go.

4. If you are in a Security queue with lots of Arab and Jewish looking people in black hats and traditional dress, you are probably headed in the wrong direction. See point 3.

5. If you go through the wrong Security gate, no matter how long you have queued for, you have to go through the right one - yes, boots off, belt off, watch off, laptop out, liquids out - AGAIN

6. If you are in the passport control queue, and there are lots of Muslim and Chinese looking people, each taking an age to get through, you are in the wrong queue. Look for the EU sign.

7. You do not actually have to go through passport control for a transfer flight at the transfer airport - see point 3.

8. Never, ever, focus on the two teenagers who look and act like Kevin and Perry, and think 'I don't care who I get sat next to on the flight, as long as it's not that pair'

9. Never look out of the window when the plane is landing, when sitting next to the wheels, and wonder how the heck they can land and smoke like that without popping every time and if they ever, in fact, do.

10. Never phone the boss Edie when she is ill and tired and missing her other member of staff, Mummy, as this makes Mummy feel very sad and then she won't come out and get drunk with her old pal Mouse.